I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize