uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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