Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
