I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
