Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
