I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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