I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
