He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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