and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
