No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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