So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
