Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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