haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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