Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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