Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
