i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
