i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
