Responsibility does not care about your dick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
