you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
be right there i have to get my cape
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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