do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
