it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
