youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
