Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
