She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
