She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
