those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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