Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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