But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
