Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
