We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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