the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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