dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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