So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize