I'm going to jail i love you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
