true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
