Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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