i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
