you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
