I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
