I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
