apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
