They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
