**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
