he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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