its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
