he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
