I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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