we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
