Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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