That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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