yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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