wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
