Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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