Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
