my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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