I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize