her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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