Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
