i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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