he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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