I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
