Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
