why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
