I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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