My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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